Dash Starblaster furrowed his thick handsome eyebrows and squinted at the evil Professor Zolstrack in disbelief. A trickle of wet sweat flowed down Dash’s amazingly intellectual forehead and begun to pull itself reluctantly away across the zero-gravity space bridge.
“You must understand the, aha, seriousness of the situation, by now, Dash,” continued Zolstrack, clicking off the Furry Advanced Space Turtle Weaponizer2000’s safety catch. “Admit it, my evil evilish plan has worked! Soon, the galaxy will be at, aha, at my mercy, aha, aha, aha!”
“You can’t do this!” screamed Aerial Spunkoff as she tried unsuccessfully to free herself from the power-cuffs that bound her to the extraction chamber, her gifted bosoms flopping away despairingly with each tug and pull.
After a moment of appreciation, Dash turned his attention to the matter at hand. “Curse you Professor Zolstrack, it seems…you have the better of…my Maxi Energy Boots™ (Now sold at your nearest Toyz-Ar-Arghz, sans batteries)! Heyho Dash Gogogo!”
“Argh!” shrieked the Professor as Dash’s released boots detached themselves and started pounding themselves relentless against Zolstrack’s space-helmet. “Damn you Dash Starblaster! It seems you have, aha, bested me again,” he hissed as he begun to initiate the self-destruct sequence of the ship.
“Wait!” shouted Dash, as he finally released himself from his strangleholds, his Laser Torch Gloves™ finishing their final cuts to the metal links.
“Yes?” asked the Professor, already midway to the escape hatch. The sexy self-destruct lady voice started blaring across the ship’s intercom, and the flashing warning lights illuminated the room in a disco-trance-like fashion.
After another moment of appreciation, Dash said “Before you go, I think it’s time you should know…” advancing towards the increasingly horrified Professor.
Zolstrack suddenly felt himself powerless to move, overwhelmed by the awesomeness that was the oncoming splendour of Dash Starblaster, wonderfully backlit from the shiny blinking space-machines in the distance. Time slowed.
“What, aha, is it?” exclaimed the exasperated Zolstrack.
“You are… my second-step-uncle-to-my-sister-in-law’s-potential-third-husband’s-cousin-from-the-estranged-affair-of-my-fourth-bi-interspecies-aunt from Mega Sector 99-Pluto!” proclaimed Dash Starblaster.
And for an infinite moment, Zolstrack knew it to be true. He felt a lifting sensation filling up his frozen third heart and a tear slowly welling up in his right eye.
The install.exe file of your life has failed to update, repair now?
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